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Life & Well-Being 12

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Public Speaking - Trivium - Communication


No 12 - 2024
What Other Think: Reflections
The Pilgrim: 19.08.2024


The question of why we care more about what others think of us than our own self-perception is a profound one, deeply explored by philosophers like Marcus Aurelius. His Stoic philosophy offers insights into the nature of self-worth, social judgment, and the human condition. Understanding this dynamic can help us navigate the complexities of our relationships and self-image.

At the core of our concern for others’ opinions lies our inherent social nature. Humans are fundamentally social beings, evolved to live in communities. Our survival historically depended on social cohesion and acceptance within groups. This evolutionary background explains why we often prioritize external validation over our internal assessments. The fear of ostracism or rejection can trigger a powerful desire to conform to societal norms and expectations. In this light, caring about what others think becomes a mechanism for ensuring our place within the social fabric.

Marcus Aurelius recognized this tendency and offered a counterpoint through his writings. He emphasized the importance of focusing on our own judgments rather than being overly influenced by external opinions. In his "Meditations," he often reflects on the transient nature of life and the futility of seeking approval from others. He encourages individuals to cultivate inner strength and wisdom, suggesting that true fulfillment comes from aligning our actions with our values rather than conforming to societal pressures.

One reason we may prioritize others’ opinions is the impact of societal standards on our self-esteem. The modern world bombards us with messages about success, beauty, and worth, often dictated by external sources such as media, peers, and cultural norms. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. When we measure our self-worth against these external benchmarks, we become vulnerable to the judgments of others. Aurelius reminds us that our worth is not defined by external accolades but by our virtue and character. By focusing on our internal values, we can cultivate a more stable and resilient sense of self.

Another factor influencing our concern for others’ perceptions is the fear of judgment. We often worry about how our actions, choices, or beliefs will be perceived. This fear can lead to anxiety and self-doubt, causing us to alter our behavior to fit in or gain approval. Aurelius teaches that we should strive to live authentically and act in accordance with our principles, regardless of external judgment. He posits that the opinions of others are often misguided or irrelevant to our true selves. By recognizing that we cannot control others’ perceptions, we can liberate ourselves from the burden of seeking approval.

Additionally, the desire for acceptance can stem from a lack of self-awareness. When we do not fully understand or appreciate our own values, we may look to others for validation. This external reliance can create a cycle of dependence, where our self-worth fluctuates based on others’ opinions. Aurelius advocates for self-reflection and mindfulness, encouraging us to examine our thoughts and beliefs critically. By developing a deeper understanding of ourselves, we can build a more solid foundation for our self-esteem, reducing the need for external validation.

The Stoic practice of negative visualization can also provide valuable insights into this dynamic. By imagining the worst-case scenarios—such as losing the approval of others or facing social rejection—we can confront our fears and realize that we can endure these challenges. Aurelius suggests that by contemplating the impermanence of life and the inevitability of loss, we can shift our focus from external validation to internal resilience. This practice can help us cultivate a mindset that values our own opinions and judgments over those of others.

Moreover, the influence of social media in contemporary society exacerbates our concern for others’ opinions. Platforms that promote curated images and highlight achievements can intensify feelings of inadequacy and comparison. We may find ourselves seeking likes and comments as a measure of our worth. Aurelius’ teachings remind us that these external markers are fleeting and do not reflect our true character. By disengaging from the need for social approval and focusing on meaningful connections and authentic self-expression, we can break free from this cycle.

Ultimately, the journey toward valuing our own opinions over others’ is a gradual process. It requires self-reflection, mindfulness, and a commitment to living authentically. Aurelius encourages us to cultivate virtues such as wisdom, courage, and justice, which can serve as guiding principles in our lives. When we align our actions with these values, we develop a stronger sense of self that is less reliant on external validation.

In conclusion, our tendency to care about what others think of us more than our self-perception is rooted in our social nature, societal standards, and the fear of judgment. Marcus Aurelius’ Stoic philosophy provides valuable insights into this dynamic, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and the cultivation of inner strength.

By shifting our focus from external approval to internal values, we can foster a more resilient sense of self and navigate the complexities of human relationships with grace and confidence. Embracing our true selves and prioritizing our own judgments can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life, free from the constraints of societal expectations.

Resources

Aurelius, M. (2006). Meditations. Translated by Hays, G. London: Penguin Classics.
Ryan, R. M. and Deci, E. L. (2017). Self-Determination Theory: Basic Psychological Needs in Motivation, Development, and Wellness. New York: Guilford Press.
Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on Happiness. London: HarperCollins.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being. London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing.

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